Yesterday's surprise announcement of the imminent onset of the Second Coming of the Messiah set off a furious scramble by Republican funded lobbyists to beseech the world's religious leaders to act on their behalf and to petition the Lord in delaying His arrival until after the coming mid-term elections. Republicans, fearful the the event would shine positively on the Obama administration have charged the lobbying firm, We Screw You But Not US with the task of pleading their case to The Pope and others of his stature and ilk.
John Slafe, CEO of the aforementioned lobbying firm, sweating profusely while waiting on line at the Vatican seemed both excited and confident that his firm's efforts would be instrumental on pushing back the upcoming Heaven on Earth for at least a few months, was quoted as saying " Of course I'm confident that the Good Lord will hear our pleas. He is kind, compassionate and and always open to reason. Besides", Mr. Slafe with a short chuckle continued, "everyone knows that the Lord is a Republican"