Sunday, January 27, 2013

Breaking News: North Korean Launch

It has been reported through the AP that North Korea launched a missile in the direction of the United States late last night. The missile, a 2 ton rock fired from the world's largest catapult landed approximately 200 yards away from the launch site crushing a small home and the 3 occupants inside. "It is a glorious day for the people of North Korea" proclaimed the country's leader Kim Jung-un as he feasted on a dinner of duck and haldol. "The Americans should take this as a sure sign that they are not immune to retaliation and should proceed carefully with any further sanctions". The Swedish Ambassador, speaking from an underground bunker wearing a Dallas Cowboy football helmet stressed the importance of restraint on both sides during these perilous times, " It is wise for both sides to come to the table and talk so as to avert an escalation of hostilities". American officials declined to comment but a source close to President Obama stated, through a miraculous feat of restrained laughter, that the President echoed the words of the Swedish ambassador.
In other news, sporting good stores around the United States reported an unexplained surge in the sales of Dallas Cowboy sports items, especially helmets.