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Saturday, January 26, 2013

Gun Rally Fiasco


It was reported today by the Macon Journal that up to 200 people were forced to act as "fillers" at a pro-gun rally in Macon County, Georgia this weekend. It is alleged that the rally's organizers, who had invited several local television stations to the rally became distraught when organizers counted only 12 attendees in the audience (this number did not include 2 bulldogs and billy goat in attendance). Organizers, concerned that the low audience numbers would reflect badly on themselves and their cause decided to dispatch several deputies to scour the surrounding area and bring back "anything with 2 legs and a pulse". The deputies, many of them armed, fanned out throughout the area collecting a hodgepodge of 200 mostly reluctant and frightened people to act as mannequins for the afternoon's festivities .For two hours they were forced to sit through a half-dozen speeches with titles like "Why Guns are More Important than Oxygen?"; "" Obama! You want my gun? Come and Get it" and " Pass the coffee, pass the cream, pass the Ar-15" At the end of the rally the audience was asked to rise and repeat the Pledge of Allegiance and the law of Omerta. The crowd then very hurriedly departed, overlooked by the beaming smiles and narrow eyes of the event's organizers.It wasn't until hours later that it became known what had really transpired during the event when several people showed up at the Katmandu Embassy in Virgina Beach seeking asylum.Reporters quickly converged on the scene and gathered stories from several victims that eventually brought a clearer picture to the events surrounding the gun rally.One couple, Joe and Joan Reilly were passing through Macon on the way to Florida in their brand new RV when they were pulled over by what they thought were police. Mr. Reilly continues "As soon as I got out of the RV I knew something was wrong. The "police car" was a beat up, ancient Mercury with a flashing 40 watt light bulb on top. But I really put 2 and 2 together when both "officers" got out of the car wearing overalls without shirt or shoes". It was then that Mr. Reilly was asked if he and his wife would like to attend a pro-gun rally taking place across the street. Mr. Reilly, who grew up in the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx, NY, answered that he was against guns and wished for much tougher gun laws. Mr Reilly was amazed by what came next. One of the two gentleman walked up to Mr. Reilly, whipped out a 357 magnum and said "Listen you pinko, tree hugging son a bitch, get that gorilla that's in the passenger seat of your truck and come with us". Mr Reilly complied and soon found himself and his wife seated in front of a stage made of cardboard held together with masking upon which hung a sign that read " The Macon [sic] Gum Owners [sic] Asociation". Speaker after speaker then proceeded to harangue the gathering using speeches that Mrs Reilly, a high school English teacher, described as " monosyllabic, unintelligible and downright idiotic". Dozens of others that were "invited" to the rally told similar stories of coercion, threat and disgust. News of the event traveled quickly. In New York ,Charles Schumer, the state's influential Democratic Senator  was quick to condemn the actions of the rally's organizers saying "We need to stamp out such atrocious abuses". A live microphone picked up Mr. Schumer chastising one of his nephews as he left the stage " See what the rest of this country is like? That's why I chose to be the Senator of New York and not some hell hole like Mississippi!". Reaction was also swift across the A.M radio dial. Rush Limbaugh chided those "invited" to the rally, " people like this Mr. Reilly and his bloated wife are what's really wrong with America. Against guns? Wishes for tighter gun controls? Pinkos like him and his well-fed wife should stay up in the Catskills instead of driving down and disturbing real Americans"; Sean Hannity chimed in "This has all the bearings of a conspiracy between the highest levels of government and the main stream media to rid the country of guns.Furthermore, my sources tell me that all those people that said they were coerced into attending the event were really supporters of Acorn, promised $20 and a government cell phone if they attended the rally and would then tell stories of being kidnapped off the street at gun point". Marc Levin called the victims " a bunch of sissy's  who should have first thanked God and then the event's organizers for trying to help open their eyes to the necessity of gun ownership, the 2nd amendment. He also spoke at length of the beauty and grace that make Macon, Georgia the ultimate travel destination for gun owners, Tea Party members and disgraced politicians from all over the country. He ended his show by repeating the word "tyranny" 200 times, once for every fortunate attendee of the day's rally. Local officials meanwhile,  not wanting to offend the region's powerful gun lobby quietly contacted each attendee with offers of free lodging at the city's finest 2 star hotel and coupons for lunch at the local Piggly Wiggly if they ever decided to return to Macon. It was not know if any accepted the offer.