Saturday, May 25, 2013

Traffic Around Mid-Town Manhattan Improves 80%.Homeless Drunk Directs Traffic

New York City officials, who had been patting themselves on the back after research showed traffic improved up to 80 percent in Mid-Manhattan were shocked to find out the real reason traffic improved so well. It seems that it was because of a homeless man, drunk on top of it who decided to try his hand at being a traffic cop. He wore an agency vest and directed traffic outside a bus depot on 37th Street on the West Side of Manhattan.

Hector Santiago's role as voluntary traffic cop was uncovered following an extensive investigation by NBC after they observed him directing cars down wrong way streets, telling motorists he didn't like to "Kiss this" and constantly urinating in the street while drinking from a brown bag. Mr. Santiago countered that he was doing "Gods work since the traffic was all screwed up and the drivers looked so miserable". Red face police officials said they didn't notice anything wrong and that they were just happy that traffic seemed to be moving so well
Mr. Santiago has has retained the services of lawyer Ron Kuby because he believes he is owed at least $36,000 dollars for all the work he did not including overtime. When contacted, Kuby had this to say "I'll give it a shot".