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Saturday, May 11, 2013

US Ambassador to North Korea Says: "Obama Can't Do Shit"

Self proclaimed ambassador to North Korea Dennis "Worm" Rodman chastised President Obama for not giving Korean dictator and all around nice guy Kim Jong un a call to try and diffuse tensions between the two countries.The North Korean leader tried to explain to Rodman,  "Dennis, I don't want to do war. I like be leader. I have electricity, I have Internet, I have lot of food. It is good to be leader. If I do war, yes 3 or 4 Americans may die but then I be leader of country that is all flat and smoking, no Internet, no electricity, no food. I will have to live then like all the rest of the people in my country, miserable and starving". Apparently Rodman, who graduated college Magna Cum Moron could not see that the North Korean leader was not voicing another bluster of war but was actually begging Rodman to intercede between the US President and himself before a squadron of B52's came flying over his country dropping loads of metal designed to restore the North Korean countryside to its original, pre-inhabited state. A source who had accompanied The Worm on his trip and was present during the above conversation, who requested his name be kept secret had this to say, "Man, I could get what the dude was saying in like a second but Rod couldn't. Rod kept telling him not to worry, that he was gonna get on the president's ass about calling him, that he was gonna make sure that Obama knew who he was f--king with, all this tough talking ghetto bullshit. Kim's eyes were wide as saucers". He continued, "No, no Denny, you no understand! I no want no war! I like electricity, I like food. No want no war. Please tell President Obama call me. No like drones. America got big, how you call, balls. Look at Bin Ladin. They go another country, Pakistan and put many holes in him. I no like holes in my body. I like Internet, electricity, food. Please tell Obama I no want to do war".

 But it seems that the former NBA player remained dense as a London fog. Today, during and interview with  MSNBC Rodman actually had this to say:
We got a black President can’t even go talk to him, how about that one?…I’ll put it like this, Obama can’t do s***. I don’t know why he won’t do it. So do that bulls***.

It is not known what effect this ridiculous comment had on both President Obama or the North Korean leader but a flurry of emails intercepted by US  intelligence agencies show a flurry of Internet orders for Ambien, Haldol and Librium from the deranged Kim to various Internet pharmacies.