Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Housing Prices Soar

An article in the New York Times reports that housing prices have posted their greatest rebound since 2008. house prices in Las Vegas, Nevada; Phoenix , Arizona and other such cities hard hit during the housing down turn which began in 2008 posted some of the strongest gains. Even those whose houses are ' underwater" (meaning they owed more on their homes than what they were worth) are beginning to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel having seen their home prices begin to creep up. Surprisingly, home prices have actually fallen in New York City. Unknown, in my opinion is whether this phenomenon is due somehow to the destruction caused by last fall's Superstorm Sandy or a correction from the "sky's the limit" NYC prices over the past few years.
It will be interesting to see how Republicans spin this story. Will they attempt to dispel the recent housing rise through some faith based babel of BS; claim credit for it or again point to shenanigans of the Obama loving main stream media.   Only time will tell


Hispanics and US Imigration Policy: When Jobs Trump Ideology

It was surprising to me to read  that a bipartisan group of US senators including such big Republican names  as John McCain, and Marc Rubio are getting together to help overhaul immigration policy to make it easier for many of the nation's illegal immigrants, mostly Hispanic to become citizens in the wake of finding that these same Hispanics make up 10% of the country's voting block and went for Obama by at least 70% in last month's presidential elections. Amazing that the Republicans would come out swinging for Hispanics even though the only time they lower themselves to meet with some such person is when the grass needs cutting or the house needs cleaning or (wrongly in most cases) identifying one through a police lineup. See, the Republicans make a big show of sticking to a rigid ideology " created at the very hands of  Our God and our forefathers" but when it comes to garnering votes to keep their jobs then God takes a back seat along with our forefathers or as many as they can fit back there. Even Paul Ryan, a Tea Party favorite backs the idea (sorta like Shimon Perez allowing a group of Palestinians a few acres in Tel-Aviv to" just to call home"). I laugh just thinking about seeing  the faces of some of Ryan's supporters as the news hits the fan, "Hey Jimbo, no what Paul Ryan gonna do? "No Mel," "Well he intends to make all the illegals legal. Soon we all gonna be speaking Porto Rican" "Where did you hear  that Mel", ' Come now, you know that every moring I go down to get the newspaper and have the preacher read it to me and that's what he say's they is doin'?", "Mel , now that makes me madder than a pinko who can't find a tree to hug.                                            
  Now you would think that a senate that might take up to 3 months wrangling to decide what color the senate bathrooms would be painted would drag their feet on something like this, but with so many votes at stake, look for legislation to proceed quickly up to the next presidential election in 4 years. Both sides are desperate for the Hispanic vote with the Right getting ready to work all out to garner as many as possible. Such signs are already in the air. Mark Levin, one of the most acerbic and tiresome conservative radio personalities, to my great surprise had his recent book "Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto" translated into Spanish!( On a side note many Hispanic parents who bought the book thinking it would help they and their children learn the constitution and thus pass the citizenship exam, angrily returned the book with many complaining that it insulted their intelligence having been written in crayon; it also smudged easily when you tried to turned the pages).


    Sunday, January 27, 2013

    Tea Party Rampage

    A gathering of Tea Party loyalists were thrown into a tizzy today when it was reported on a local Fox affiliate  that President Obama was secretly working on plans to incorporate Mexico as the Nation's 51st state. It was also reported that the President was preparing to annex Kenya, pardon Bernie Madoff and pose semi nude for Mother Jones Magazine.   Images of President Obama were burned in effigy although "in good taste" noted a local councilman who refused to give his name or be photographed because  the white sheet he was wearing was soiled with the residue of ashes "I am a bit vain" he said sheepishly" . Police officers assigned to the gathering were pelted with fresh tomatoes wrestled from an emaciated Mexican  "I worked for 14 hours picking those things now my boss won't pay me my $2.48. Adios Mio, what am I to do?"At least 49 arrests were made including Pam Striker, a trice divorced mother of 16 and grandmother of 48. She was charged with striking a police officer with a sign that read "My medicare comes from G-d, F--k the government". Order was finally restored when a large flock of sheep were spotted on a nearby hilltop sending the majority of the Tea Party's male flock into an amorous frenzy that culminated in one of the largest sheep-chases since the Emancipation Proclamation.
    Said Sheriff Baker, in charge of security for the event"I feel damn sorry for those sheep"

    An Extreme case of Church Hypocracy

    In an act of hutzpah unprecedented in the 2000 year history of the Catholic Church, lawyers for a Catholic hospital in Canon, Colorado used the the surprising defense that a fetus is not  a person until it is born to ward off paying out a malpractice claim. 
    St. Thomas Moore Hospital, along with several of the facility's doctors were being sued in a wrongful death suit brought by the husband of a pregnant woman who, along with her two unborn children perished after the mother collapsed in the hospitals waiting room. Amazingly, the hospital cited Colorado secular state law that declared that an embryo is not considered a human until it is born. From hutzpa to balls, the husband not only lost the case but was sued $180,000 dollars in court costs.

    Incensed by this blatant display of historic hypocrisy, I dispatched one of my agents to get the straight shoot from one of Colorado's highest ranking Catholic holy men. His reverence, who spoke on condition of anonymity expressed his grief over the Catholic hospitals improbable defense but added " Hey, listen of course I'm confused and more than a little pissed off by the defense staff argument that a fetus is not a human until conception but money is money and we are in dire straights, what with declining church attendance and especially all these damned child abuse cases. Sometimes reality must trump ideology".
    My agent, nauseous and greatly disillusioned by the whole experience quickly made his way back to file his report but not before stopping at a local synagogue to inquire about converting to the Hebrew faith   

    Breaking News: North Korean Launch

    It has been reported through the AP that North Korea launched a missile in the direction of the United States late last night. The missile, a 2 ton rock fired from the world's largest catapult landed approximately 200 yards away from the launch site crushing a small home and the 3 occupants inside. "It is a glorious day for the people of North Korea" proclaimed the country's leader Kim Jung-un as he feasted on a dinner of duck and haldol. "The Americans should take this as a sure sign that they are not immune to retaliation and should proceed carefully with any further sanctions". The Swedish Ambassador, speaking from an underground bunker wearing a Dallas Cowboy football helmet stressed the importance of restraint on both sides during these perilous times, " It is wise for both sides to come to the table and talk so as to avert an escalation of hostilities". American officials declined to comment but a source close to President Obama stated, through a miraculous feat of restrained laughter, that the President echoed the words of the Swedish ambassador.
    In other news, sporting good stores around the United States reported an unexplained surge in the sales of Dallas Cowboy sports items, especially helmets.

    Saturday, January 26, 2013

    Gun Rally Fiasco

    It was reported today by the Macon Journal that up to 200 people were forced to act as "fillers" at a pro-gun rally in Macon County, Georgia this weekend. It is alleged that the rally's organizers, who had invited several local television stations to the rally became distraught when organizers counted only 12 attendees in the audience (this number did not include 2 bulldogs and billy goat in attendance). Organizers, concerned that the low audience numbers would reflect badly on themselves and their cause decided to dispatch several deputies to scour the surrounding area and bring back "anything with 2 legs and a pulse". The deputies, many of them armed, fanned out throughout the area collecting a hodgepodge of 200 mostly reluctant and frightened people to act as mannequins for the afternoon's festivities .For two hours they were forced to sit through a half-dozen speeches with titles like "Why Guns are More Important than Oxygen?"; "" Obama! You want my gun? Come and Get it" and " Pass the coffee, pass the cream, pass the Ar-15" At the end of the rally the audience was asked to rise and repeat the Pledge of Allegiance and the law of Omerta. The crowd then very hurriedly departed, overlooked by the beaming smiles and narrow eyes of the event's organizers.It wasn't until hours later that it became known what had really transpired during the event when several people showed up at the Katmandu Embassy in Virgina Beach seeking asylum.Reporters quickly converged on the scene and gathered stories from several victims that eventually brought a clearer picture to the events surrounding the gun rally.One couple, Joe and Joan Reilly were passing through Macon on the way to Florida in their brand new RV when they were pulled over by what they thought were police. Mr. Reilly continues "As soon as I got out of the RV I knew something was wrong. The "police car" was a beat up, ancient Mercury with a flashing 40 watt light bulb on top. But I really put 2 and 2 together when both "officers" got out of the car wearing overalls without shirt or shoes". It was then that Mr. Reilly was asked if he and his wife would like to attend a pro-gun rally taking place across the street. Mr. Reilly, who grew up in the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx, NY, answered that he was against guns and wished for much tougher gun laws. Mr Reilly was amazed by what came next. One of the two gentleman walked up to Mr. Reilly, whipped out a 357 magnum and said "Listen you pinko, tree hugging son a bitch, get that gorilla that's in the passenger seat of your truck and come with us". Mr Reilly complied and soon found himself and his wife seated in front of a stage made of cardboard held together with masking upon which hung a sign that read " The Macon [sic] Gum Owners [sic] Asociation". Speaker after speaker then proceeded to harangue the gathering using speeches that Mrs Reilly, a high school English teacher, described as " monosyllabic, unintelligible and downright idiotic". Dozens of others that were "invited" to the rally told similar stories of coercion, threat and disgust. News of the event traveled quickly. In New York ,Charles Schumer, the state's influential Democratic Senator  was quick to condemn the actions of the rally's organizers saying "We need to stamp out such atrocious abuses". A live microphone picked up Mr. Schumer chastising one of his nephews as he left the stage " See what the rest of this country is like? That's why I chose to be the Senator of New York and not some hell hole like Mississippi!". Reaction was also swift across the A.M radio dial. Rush Limbaugh chided those "invited" to the rally, " people like this Mr. Reilly and his bloated wife are what's really wrong with America. Against guns? Wishes for tighter gun controls? Pinkos like him and his well-fed wife should stay up in the Catskills instead of driving down and disturbing real Americans"; Sean Hannity chimed in "This has all the bearings of a conspiracy between the highest levels of government and the main stream media to rid the country of guns.Furthermore, my sources tell me that all those people that said they were coerced into attending the event were really supporters of Acorn, promised $20 and a government cell phone if they attended the rally and would then tell stories of being kidnapped off the street at gun point". Marc Levin called the victims " a bunch of sissy's  who should have first thanked God and then the event's organizers for trying to help open their eyes to the necessity of gun ownership, the 2nd amendment. He also spoke at length of the beauty and grace that make Macon, Georgia the ultimate travel destination for gun owners, Tea Party members and disgraced politicians from all over the country. He ended his show by repeating the word "tyranny" 200 times, once for every fortunate attendee of the day's rally. Local officials meanwhile,  not wanting to offend the region's powerful gun lobby quietly contacted each attendee with offers of free lodging at the city's finest 2 star hotel and coupons for lunch at the local Piggly Wiggly if they ever decided to return to Macon. It was not know if any accepted the offer.

    Thursday, January 24, 2013

    01/01/2014: The Presidential Election of 2012. Part 1

    All evidence pointed to the fact that an egregarious act of nonfeasance by the US State Department, headed by Secretary of  State Hillary Clinton helped lead to the deaths of 4 Americans at the United States embassy in Bengahzi, Libya September 11, 2012. Christopher Stevens, the State Department's envoy to Libya, one of the 4 embassy personnel killed in the attack was reported to have sent several cables to his superiors at the State Department detailing his concerns about the safety of embassy staff, including pleas for added security in the week leading up to the attack on the embassy. These pleas apparently fell on deaf ears. The calvary never showed up and Mr. Stevens was left to die a horrible death when the embassy's attackers, an organized group of Islamic militants set fire to the building. In the days following the attack members of the US administration initially blamed an obscure, distasteful, poorly recorded video depicting the prophet Mohammed in a not so holy light for creating an atmosphere of anger that resulted in a spontaneous wave of protests and violence that spread across the Arab world including Benghazi that resulted in the attack that killed the 4 Americans. This was later proved to be erroneous as further information gathered pointed to a well planned attack by Islamic militants on the Embassy.
    Almost immediately accusations began to fly that there was a conserted effort by members of the current White House administration to intentionally mislead the American people into believing that the attack on our embassy in Benghazi was a spontaneous response to the moronic YouTube video rather than a well planned operation by militants aligned with the terrorist group al-Qaeda. Days later a cabal of ideologically stunted but charismatic failed disc jockeys that had come to pollute the A.M spectrum of American radio went on the attack. For almost 4 years these boorish, resentful parasites worked day and night in hopes of unseating President Obama in the 2012 Presidential Elections. With Election Day only a few short days away these bombastic imbeciles smelled blood in the water and went after the President and his entire administration like a group of piranhas who accidentally happen upon the bloated corpse of a horse floating above them. Resounding from every chicken coup, pigsty and cow dung mill in America came cries of "conspiracy" aimed at the current darkly tanned president. Millions of what in the United States are known as " real Americans", outraged by subjects they didn't have the intellectual capacity to understand but with a deep seated resentment that would have shocked Nietzsche himself, responded to their bellows. Whistling through missing teeth and challenged when trying to string a sentence of more than six words together, they burned up the phone lines to laboriously put into words their poorly understood and fractured opinions. Ratings went through the roofs of a spectrum of conservative radio stations garnering untold millions in advertising fees paid by a cesspool of advertisers hawking every thing from penile enhancement capsules to reverse mortgages to amulets  guaranteed to  protect against  syphylis  and identity theft. Every house of worship south of Atlantic City , New Jersey and southwest of Ohio were filled to capacity with those wanting to thank their creator for the wonderful gift that was bestowed upon them which they were certain would surely unseat the sun worshipping current occupant of the White House. These sheep, which now included many senior politicians danced in sync like a giant school of fish after being convinced that after close to 4 years of " darkness" they were only days  away from welcoming back the light. But it was not to be for the presidential office did not change hands. To their utter disbelieve their rabid enemy had won a second term! A rage that bordered on mass psychosis broke out among the various fractions of the " chosen party". Members not considered " pure" enough in Party soul and spirit were purged from the Congress and House of Representitives. Fist flew! Shots were fired! Such madness was the rule of the day that then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, summoned to Congress to explain her actions during the events of Benghazi , became so frightened at the thought of having to appear before a group rumored to have perpetrated acts cannibilism on those members deemed " not right enough" resorted to faking an illness not to appear before the half-crazed group. When this effort failed she reportedly became so distraught that she somehow gave herself a brain tumor. Eventually, she did appear after an elderly group of Black Panthers promised to form a protective ring around her using their metal walkers and electric scooters. Ms. Clinton eventually made it through  the hearings without injury and much of her dignity intact.

    A year has passed since those dark days of despair. Today Obama still sits on the highest throne of the land; Hillary Clinton smiles as she overlooks the Hudson River from her office at 70 Pine Street where she practices in the auspices of a malpractice attorney; the Republican Party is currently regrouping to ensure anyone less Charles Manson defeats Joe Biden in the next presidential election; and lastly, a new law was passed which mandated opposing viewpoints for all political radio shows. Rush was paired with Madea and Hannity saw Mike Tyson join him in thebooth . Only Marc Levin never made it back . Sadly, while shouting the word "tyranny" for the 87th time in two hours during a segment of his evening show, a length of spittle escaped his lips, made contact with his microphone and electrocuted him on the spot. He was buried with a dozen self signed copies of his most recent book "Tyranny, Tyranny, Tyranny' and a case of "Easy Rise" the nation's best selling penile enhancement formula and a major advertiser on the Fox Radio Netwotk.