Thursday, December 29, 2016

Expect Egg Prices To Skyrocket Due To Avian Flu

I'm no finance expert but I know a little bit about the law of Supply and Demand. All around the world chickens are being culled as if some grand Clucking Inquisition has begun. Millions of chickens have been culled in Asia and Europe over the past several weeks due to an array of different Avian Influenza viruses. In South Korea the price of eggs has already risen 30%. The country is set to decrease tariffs on imported eggs to meet growing demand. So look at any stock with any connection to chickens or eggs {whichever comes first} to jump like crazy.

Monday, December 26, 2016

I write whatever the F--k I want!

I was reading a book about how to create a successful blog. One way was to find a "niche" to write about. So I started to think:

" A niche? A niche? What could I come up with that would be my niche?".

Then it came to me like a bolt of lightening out of a clear blue sky! "I got it! My Niche!"

"I'll write about whatever the F--K I want to write about!".

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Gonna go out and rent me a Jew!

From the land that brought us Angela Merkel and the tidal wave of immigrants that are currently eating away the EU like termites a dying tree, Germany now brings you Rent a Jew. That's right ladies and gents, Rent a Jew!. With far-right nationalists and Neo-Nazi's gaining more and more adherents someone came up with the idea to Rent a Jew so as to become more familiar with the Hebrew culture and to show that the average Jew is just an all around nice guy.
Thing is I have a few problems with the whole concept, namely:

Who is the one that really looks bad here the person who rents the Jew or the Jew that allows himself to be rented?

How are the renters screened. I mean I can imagine a bunch of skin heads drunk off their asses sitting around without much to do, bored as Hell. Commercial break comes on "Hey, are you bored? Want to learn about another culture? Than call us at 1 800 RT A Jew and soon you'll be eating bagals, lox and Manischevits"
Damned world is insane and getting worse every day.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Kim Jong-un Orders Military Staff To Write Confessions.. Excerpts Here! Exclusive

Kim Jong-un dictator of North Korea, drunk as a summer day is long ordered his top military staff to stay up all night writing confessions of treason to the state. Now right off your thinking "those guys must have been shaking in their pants" sure of a quick,certain death. But surprise!, that was not the case. You see these generals are familiar with Lucifer Jong-un's propensity to drink as if he was trying to empty the Ghanges. They were also well aware of  Jung's propensity for losing,also known in North Korea as "drunken blackout". Kim would drink till he passed out losing all memory of the night before. So as the Prince drifted off into an alcohol-poisoned coma, they began writing their confessions... on how they felt about the bouffant-challenged leader:

" Sleep well my you burn in the deepest part of Hell. That's right, Trenton New Jersey!"

Another wrote " Put him in the cornfield! Put him in the cornfield"

Another " I have great respect for you my leader. Yo mama too. The way she takes that donkey from behind is too amazing for words"

"I replaced your Outback ribs with a 7 year old Labrador who died of gonorrhea"

"Your father was a great man. Especially when he was taking on 8 young men during "Gang Bang the King Fridays" at Chuckie without Cheese's"

Relieved and less resentful, the leaders stood together chukling and burned the letters together in a Cheerios bowl plastered with a picture of Dennis Rodman before Kim awakened  

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Hurricane Michael Thumbs Nose at Florida

Hurricane Michael, nicknamed " the wacky to track" appears to be thumbing it's nose at Florida ND riding just off the coast enrolment a very serious date with Georgia  and S.Carolina. stirring the pot even more is that Michael has hitched a ride onto the jet stream a borrow body of very warm water that circles the globe displacing heat from hot to cooler regions. ND we all know how much tropical systems love warm water. Expect Michael to ride ride up into Georgia ( where the last serious downpour occurred when Charley Mae's horse climbed the barn and relieved himself on Charley Mae) and S. Carolina where enough rain (1 foot plus) will fall to scrub, dry and wash half the population.
BTW if you do drive through a flooded roadway remember that only 6 inches of water can push a car off its foundation and you'll end up playing gin rummy with Big Pussy who also sleeps with the fishes

Beth, somebody busted my chops for putting out "unsolicited confusing information" when I said Michael would skirt the shore and not make landfall. Guess what? It's doing just that but I am not writing to pat myself on the back. Michael is riding straight at Georgia and SC and his ride is named (for the damned life of me I cant remember the name right now) . It's a band of very warm water about 30 miles off shore and is but only 10 or less miles wide. It carries very warm water around the world. ND what is a hurricanes Spinach ? Very wry water so this my strike Georgi/N.Carolina as a strong cat 4. ND until it takes that ridiculous  turn NC is not out of the woods. Either way rains will be torrential, 6 inches of moving water can sweep a car away. Drowning kills more people than wind ever could in hurricanes.

If you are the Miami area keep an eye out!

It is onvious the so called weather experts are as blind as a man who entrusts the care of his beautiful girlfriend in the hands of his horny bet friend. Satellite images are showing Hurricane Matthew closing in on Florida. It looks as if it is headed right for Miami with time running out for any type of drastic turn. Approximately 8 million people went to sleep last might assurred by the popular sitcom The Weather Chanel that they were in the clear of any direct hit. Shit will hit the fan later when a catagory four storm with 140 mph sustained winds with gusts to 190 mph come knocking on their doors saying " hey assholes qhats for lunch". A nad situation excaceebated by weather authorities working along with Miami to save the tourist from leaving ny littering the streets with bodies. What will be their excuse? "Um, we didnt know" and all will get off scott free. Such is the state of hurricane pre paredness today.
Follow the link see how far and what the direction is and decide for yourself

Monday, October 3, 2016

Hurricane Matthew a Florida Hit?

Those of you in Florida should pay close attention to local media regarding Hurricane Matthew. It is becoming likely that a landfall of the storm may occur in Florida as a cat 4 storm with winds close to 150 mph. And if Matthew's forward speed increases from its current 8mph you may have less time to react nd get ready. At this time I would suggest at the least to make sure your car/s are filled with gas and you have at least some extra cash with you. Hey, if nothing happens you can always use the gas and yo could deposit the cash back into your account. Good luck.

Hurricane Matthew and East Coast Hit

Hurricane Matthew, a strong cat 4 Hurricane is poised to strike the East Coast of the US around North Carolina then ride the coast all the way to Maine producing significant storm surges the whole way. But of course it has to be finished decimating the snake bitten nation of Haiti with very strong winds and, much more importantly over 3 feet of rain which will lead to monstrous mudslides and incredible flooding putting tens of thousands of lives at risk.
Stay tuned for more.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Outback or Outhouse: A gourmet disaster of revolting proportions

In my 53 years I have eaten in many resturants and have had a number of not so great experienxes but last night's experience went so far above the pale that that it left me on the edge  of thinking I was singled out for either a grand prank or a conspiracy to harm me my wife and three children. I placed an order and went to pick it up. When I returned home my wife and I found:
A loaf of bread with a bite already taken out of it
A half eaten chocolate desert
A "sirloin steak" which on inspection turned out to be a regular hamburger
A strawberry desert. Now this at first appeared fine so I gave a spoonful of it to my 3year old who immediately began to gag and spit it out. I tasted it and was almost overwhelmed by the alcohol content contained within.
I packed up all the food and went back. The manager listen to my first sentence about the desert and appeared to inadvertantly blurtex out "our strawberries had formented". 
She then offered to replace the food. I did not want to seem an unagreeable person so I agreed. Upon returning home we found that the steak that was replaced weighed approximately 3 ounces which was wasted anyway as my wife dipped it in the butter and quickly proceeded to spit it out as the butter appeared to be spoiled.
It took  lot to write this letter feeling that along with UFO and Bigfoot hunters I would never be believed. But at the urging of my wife I am indeed writing and will add that never in my life have I had a more revolting food experience in my life.It was like a gourmet nightmare come true in real life. We are still repulsed and a bit nauseous approximately 12 hours later.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

World! Tell The Truth, Your Laughing At Us Aren't You? Trump/Hillary

Come on people of the World tell us the the truth your laughing a the entire United States. Presidential election coming up and what do we have to offer? A man who thinks New Mexico should be fenced off from the rest of the state's because [sic] "That's where all the new Mexicans come from, a party that is pro- life up until the child is born then don't care if he's starved, schooled or educated.
On the other side we have a woman, a strong defender of women's rights who has taken millions from governments where she is whipped if she looks down on herself while showering. She has lied so many times Lucifer is worried to eternal life that she will pass him.
These here the two people running for the highest office in the land. People here are so ashamed that pedestrian accidents have become epidemic because most people are to dejected to raise their heads when crossing the street, Macy's is having a win or lose sale and most of our military is considering moving to Albania. November is going to be one interesting  montn.

Hillary Clinton Blamed Rise In Tinnitis

Doctors have noted a disturbing trend since Hillary Clinton became Democrat cnn date for president. The number of people showing up for a cute tinnitus (ringing in the ears) has almost quadrupled over the past several months. Questioned on when this tintitis started  over 99% of patients state the symptoms occurred following  a Hillary speech that sounded " like when nails are scratched against a blacked board amplified 1000 times" state one resondant.  One responded "it was like a cat trying to mate with another cat afflicted with rabies, them damned screaming started when she we'd on until she left". Doctors at first tried to explain to the patients to ensure they keep their televisions the minimum levels when Hillary Clinton spoke on TV but all the compliant could system back was " What! What did you say? Doctors  leading doctors to give the paints written instruction. Lloyd were realeased except one. He had a felony war rent for exposing himself to to this reporter.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Turkey's Prime Minister... Ok! Let's Be Real! What do I Give a F--K?

My life is one with so many twist and turns, deprivations; filled with anxiety; a life where just making it to sundown with a little food in the house and the ability to flip a light switch and watch the bulb light up are enough to leave a sense of relief. I:

Work as a hack for a bunch of crooks who praise God in the morning, fornicate with Harlot in the afternoon and play poker with the Devil at night. Through their smiles and slaps on the back they treat me like a mutt with mange, and rob me too! I have an ex who gets enough money a week to fund an Hammas jihad, a woman who I can readily foresee squatting over my grave and relieving herself on my coffin while the 4-5 other mourners watch. My family and friends think I'm a drug addict because of my past requests for a few dollars to help me feed my kids.Drug addict? LMFAO! I wish I was a drug addict so some of this ever present pain and ill feelings might be soothed at times with a nice case of delirium. I have 4 kids who will probably be sitting there in their early teens as they witness my ex's explosive discharge onto my coffin as mentioned before. I quit smoking but when my neighbor hears she says" Roll Your Own down the block is only $40 bucks a carton" thus the constant noxious cloud around me. I have gout, It takes me longer to pee in the am than it does waiting for an express 4 train to enter 125 street and I'm getting so fat that yesterday I went to bend over to pick up a $100 bill off the floor and some 80 year old guy walking by beat me to it without ever breaking stride.
For all these complaints I do have an absolutely beautiful woman, 20 years younger than me who still, after 5 years, I still not only love but lust after ( this is a hint for those bachelors out there. Love is great, lust good too but when brought together in one woman, BLAST OFF!). Go ahead, point a finger in my face and in 2 minutes she'll be wearing it on a chain around her neck. She spends the day with 3 children who constantly request " Mommy? Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?Mommy?" 2-3000 times a day, each of whom have some type of electronic device which is losing power, needs a password entered or is thrown at each other for the smallest infraction. EVERY MOMENT! A woman who still puts makeup on and brushes her hair before coming to bed and gets ready 3 children for school and nursery  by herself while the day's first surges of adrenaline are coursing through their bodies undistilled. A woman who confounds the shit out of me every time I look in the mirror and say to myself "What the fuck in God's good world could this woman possibly be jealous of" .
This brings me back to the title of Turkey and the coup that occurred tonight referred to in the title of this post. Let's be honest: why do I give a damn about a coup in a country that is as significant to me as some Hindu pissing in the Ganges? It doesn't!! I couldn't give a damn if Turkey had a coup, a tsunami or 50% off a barrel of humus, In the morning I'll be be standing there listening to Len and Todd in the morning as I wait for the first drops of urine to drip out, right hand on the wall while whispering through clenched teeth "come on! come on!" and next pulling my 2 and 3 year old apart who are going at it like Ali and Frazier at the same  ignoring call after call from bill collectors with the tenacity of hungry rats after a fresh piece of mozzarella. But then I'll see my Priscilla, fresh out of bed and looking as beautiful as if she had been up for hours with lipstick in one hand and mascara in the other. And that's all I need to boost me up to face another day like a man sure of having the winning six mega-million numbers cold. Turkey is then lost to the mind like one with Alzheimer's. And I'm ready to start my day.

PM returns to Turkey. Explosion reported

PM of Turkey has returned to Turkey as a possible sin coup has failed. Reports now coming in that an explosion has occurred where Endrogen's plane was landing

Telephone Number To Call if Try to Contact Loved ones in Turkey

Call these numbers if your trying to contact loved ones in Turkey:

1-888-407-4747 in the US and Canada

1-202-501-4444 from other countries

Info From US State Department to Americans in Turkey

State Department travel@gov (Enter Turkey's in box for more info)

For your safety:
  • Avoid travel to southeastern Turkey, particularly near the Syrian border.
  • Stay away from large crowds, including at popular tourist destinations.
  • Exercise heightened vigilance and caution when visiting public access areas, especially those heavily frequented by tourists.
  • Stay away from political gatherings and rallies.
  • Follow the instructions of local authorities in an emergency.
  • Stay at hotels with identifiable security measures in place.
  • Monitor local media.
For further detailed information regarding Turkey and travel:

Turkey PM Say Coup has Failed

Reports that Turkeu PM has stated that Cout in Turkey "has been foiled, Awaiting fuerther information

F15 with tracer bullets opens up on crowd in Turkey

Follow the link to watch tracer bullets rain down on protesters in Turkey by a military gunship (coup still in its infancy. Cannot vouch for veracity of this story)

Massive Protests against Coup in Turkey


Hundreds of thousands of people have turned out to protest against military;s coup in Turkey. Success of coup seems doubtful at this time

Military Coup Attempt Sends Turkey into Chaos

An attempted coup by segments of Turkey's military have begun a coup attempt that has thrown the country of Turkey into chaos. It appears the moderately  secular country was being led further and further to the Right and segments of the military again said "Enough is Enough"
This is a situation still in its early stages. More to come

Friday, July 8, 2016

The United States, where the nuts run the asylum, and thieve

The United States has some gall to go around the world preaching America's gospel of Freedom and Liberty when it's population is dysfunctional, homicidal, easier to mislead than a long track of donkeys. A population who will swallow the incredible but will wretch at the first sight of the truth.
We have two candidates for office who are better fitted hustling at carnivals, we got cops so frightened out there the first two chambers in their guns should be filled with blanks,we have "moral leaders of a sub population of people who will tear down half a city of a city if a cop steps on someones soul but turns a blind eye when the cities morgues are piled high with people killed indiscriminately by members of the same population, we have downright clowns like Al Sharpton and Carl Rove giving commentary on major issues on the various news programs. Farms getting paid well NOT to work, others calling for states to ban abortion and then couldn't give a damn if that child has a roof over hi/her head or something to eat. These same people who condemn the mothers to Hell than turn around and cheer when another man is executed by the government. As the recent primaries have shown their cherished right to vote is as useful as balls on a priest, that failed disc jockeys  have now become the 21st centuries versions of Plato, Seneca and Aristotle. Their attention span is shorter than a lemming going over a cliff and that their justice system seems it a joke to place a penniless person on $50,000 bail for snatching an extra ketchup package from the local McDonald's. It employs  for-profit companies to run prisons than wounder why 10% of the population is in jail.
A place where the population has more gunfire than the EU and is not afraid to use it. Schools ask parents to help their children do homework based on something called common core that would leave Eisenstein to reject his own Theory of Relativity and fly to Tibet and become a monk.

All this as our government travels the world like missionaries with jock itch and worries they have chlamydia.Around the world they travel telling their tales, pointing out the glories of Democracy and America while their hosts seat them at the table next to the bathroom and pit in their food in the kitchen. And why does all the world welcome them, why does all the world wish to come here? Not for the the bullshit outlined above but because they believe the streets are lined with gold! Wait till the get here and find the streets are lined with the piss of drunks and the sidedwalks stained with dog poop.

A Minnesota Outrage...A Dallas Sorrow

Courtesy New York Daily News
Above is tan image taken from a video of an unarmed black man shot by police as he reached for his wallet (after being instructed to do so ) by a police officer in Minnesota. His girlfriend and 4 year old child where in the car with him at the time. His girlfriend somehow had the presence of mind to keep shooting the video until she too was arrested at gunpoint by other officers. Her 4 year old is heard in the the back of the police car consoling her mother " It's okay mommy, I'm right here with you" (Please use discretion. Video is intensely graphic)

The outrage I felt watching this video was overwhelming. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. At 4 am I couldn't take it anymore and went out of my home and stood by the curb. Why. I don't. Maybe to stand as a lone silent sentinel after watching an American citizen die like that horribly by another American who's duty was to Protect and Serve. As the first rays of the new Sun began to lighten the sky on this awful, awful day. I went in, laid my head down to rest, exhausted and grief stricken,


I awoke sometime later, turned on the news and what I heard was the 5 police officers were assassinated by a sniper as the officers stood their posts during a Black Lives Matter protest in Dallas, Texas.I was dumbfounded. Five men doing their duty, cut down in the back while doing their duty. Horrified, I walked to the window, looking for who knows what. I had to find something to explain the thought ruining East, West, North and South through my head. The only thing that would come is that America there has become something very wrong with this country . Two people running for President, one without the qualifications of a Boy Scout Leader and the other distrusted by 99% of the electorate. A New Jersey Governor gives Exxon a $7 billion break for polluting the state and not 24 hours later tells the states pensioners the state doesn't have the $1.3 million to contribute to their pensions.
Yes there is something wrong with America... It is on its decline  America. Just like Rome, America will fall because of the fool that run it and the hordes of imbeciles that inhabit. What you are witnessing will come to be known as the Rise and Fall of The United States, and rightly so

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Breaking News Infant and Child Missing in Connecticut

New outlets reporting two missing children missing since yesterday in Connecticut. So far no descriptions of vehicle or who perpetrator may be.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Donald Trump as Hell's Angel, The Primaries and The Political Machine Exposed

In my 53 years I have never seen an election cycle like the one being played out present. It's as if the Asylum for the Politically Insane was closed following an exposay by Geraldo Rivera and all the inmates were let loose to run the corridors of government.
First the GOP primaries. Included are a real estate magnate who's initial chances of winning the primary were about as good as a Twinkie surviving  unmolested at a Weight Watcher's meeting; then there was Ted Cruz who lost on nothing more superficial than he had a face that parents used to scare their children to sleep. We had Marco Rubio who drew almost unanimous suspicion for the strange lump that always stuck out from the back of his jacket. It only made matters worse for him
when the Press discovered it was a backpack he used for the middle school he was attending at the time.There was Kasich (pronounced "case-itch" or "case-ick") who was invited to an Italian neighborhood and then goes on to  horrify the crowd when he eats his pizza with a knife and fork like a Frenchman eating frog legs. So much anger ensued that the local Knights of Columbus hall was set ablaze for inviting him there. Another challenger included a New Jersey governor who gave Exxon a $7 billion break in exchange for two free toppings at a local Pizza Hut ( and who incidentally 2 days later told New Jersey pensioners that the state was broke and couldn't afford the $1.3 billion owed to the pension system. When they protested he responded with a comment to go,... well I wont say it but if I could do it I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning). There was also, if my memory serves me right, a bird water and an unemployed mime, both whose names escapes me.

So who won? Donald Trump, a guy who who puts as much stock in political correctness as a guy named Mahony whose one night out a week is to visit a local pub on "buy one get one free" night. The Donald man knows as much about foreign affairs as caged parakeet and is about proud as Hell to show it. He will take an insult like " your mother wears combat boots" as an arrow through the sternum. But there is one damn the guy will always be remembered, win or lose, that is he momentously and unintentionally exposed the hidden processes behind the scenes of politics, of those who really pull the levers and ultimately control who wins and who loses, who's in and who's out when it comes to elections.The people of this great nation were shocked to learn that that there is a good chance their vote counts as much as a Pole pissing in an alleyway in Warsaw. Trump's run for President of the United States has exposed in clear daylight, unabashed and unashamed the machinations and double dealing that keeps the GOP running like some some restricted country club that peers down your pants to see if your circumcised before granting you a membership . It is my opinion that the citizens of this great country now distrust of their government more then they did following the Kennedy assassination (just look how well Bernie Sanders, an admitted socialist did in the primaries) and the Moon landings.
As for Trump actually winning the primary, it is my hypothesis that he created a brilliant strategy to win . He knew he was over matched by his competitors, including the great debater Cruz and the several other mopes running along side of him .In essence I believe he decided to wage war not like a French noble with the whole smack and giving of the card thing, but as a street fighter, like some battle scarred Hell's Angel from Frisco. He gouged the eyes, he kicked in the balls, head-butted. He  used  hammers, chains, garbage cans, anything he could get his hands on. His adversaries, caught off guard and confused forgot themselves and ignorantly took the bait. But as no Ivy League gentleman of soft upbringing could stand a chance against an Angel, they, along with the ENTIRE GOP apparatus got their asses whipped. Trump was so ingenious in his strategy that even in Hell it was reported that the Devil was seen to blush for the very first time.. In fact Trump's perceived ability win was so unexpected that Vegas odds makers lost only $2000 and this to 2 homeless guys who used 4 aluminum cans to place their bet on him..

So here we stand today, between two contestants vying for the highest office in the Land. On one side, a guy with as much political savvy as an Alaskan ice salesman, on the other  a woman who's as trustworthy as a pick pocket born with two extra hands. OMG! What will America do? Wait! Hey! I know. Let's ask the Kardashian's.